Nonsense

I understand the human need of keeping secrets away from people they love. I understand it because I myself keep things just for me. But I do not tend to break or hurt other humans , who are in no way less good than I am.

I have considered and reconsidered lies and deceivings ever since I got inside this world. And I am familiar with being a five-minute cigarette break. I am used to being put out after having been lit up. So I know I might not be worth to know your secrets , for I am no king nor queen. I am just human and I suffer from love.

And I have died two times already , I am waiting for my third try . I have died first when they buried me , and I die every time somebody whispers my name in the darkness. I know, I am humble , I am not a strogn oponent , but I am a small loving human and I always do my best when it comes to giving affection. Yes , people leave as far from me as they can , for I did not know that I should have cut flowers instead of my wrists.

It hurts that I cannot be what everyone wants or what everyone needs and it hurts that I cannot be what I want or what I need because I am not enough  and I will never be close to enough and I am just so damn tired .

I am not enough even though I would dream your nightmares without revealing them to you the next morning , I would live every trauma from your childhood , every day that you went home and wanted to cry but you could not . And even though I would cry for you , just to know you are safe , I would not be enough.

And I want you to know all of these , but I am also telling you that this is no poetry , this is no romance from me , for you. These are secrets that I am revealing to you for I love you and Love means opening up your mind , and soul and life . And , yes , I am talking nonsense and it is all crowded in here , and my thoughts are not in the right order . But this is how feelings come , so this is how I show them : pure.

"You are adorable as hell" , I can recall that you have once said. "but I am glancing at your wrists." It broke me , all at once. Yes , I am broken now , too. And I am also glancing at my wrists , for once there were your lips , softly touching the story that is carved into my skin.

I think that the whole point of being with someone is so you can talk to them and let go of everything , and even when you are at your worst , they still like you, they still want to hold you close to their heart and they still care.

In the end , I will just say that
the kindest people
are the kindest
because they
know what
it is like
to be hurt
the most.
And you are kind. It terrifies me.

Diana

Vara asta

O să iubesc vara asta. O să iubesc și va fi atât de spontan , atât de euforic . Va fi opus efemerului ceea ce voi simți. Vara asta vreau să iubesc și să sfidez legile eticii , să nu mai știu nici eu ce simt . 

Să mă trezesc la 3 dimineața înconjurată de parfumul tău , cu o coroană de flori pe cap , semn că-s regina damnaților. Să mă trezesc în același pat în care adorm în fiecare seară , în același dormitor cu pereți colorați de vreme și emoții ; și să nu mai cunosc nimic în jurul meu , să nu mă mai recunosc pe mine .

Vara asta o să mă schimb. O să mă schimbe fericirea și tot ce vine cu ea. O să fiu tratată așa cum merit și o să zâmbesc așa cum trebuie ; din suflet . O să petrec diminețile având conversații banale cu persoana iubită , în timp ce privim amândoi același răsărit , dar de pe alte acoperișuri. Și , la sfârșitul verii , mă voi așeza pe aceeași bancă pe care mi-am făcut veacul 3 luni de zile și voi număra calitățile pe care le-am câștigat pe parcurs . Și voi fi mândră de mine. După atâta amar de vreme , voi fi în sfârșit mândră de ceea ce sunt.

Vara asta o să dansez . O să dansez cu cuvinte și mișcării ale corpului și cu îmbrățișări care țipă „Mi-a fost dor de tine” , atunci când niciunul nu șoptește ceea ce simte. O să dansez cu oamenii pe stradă, în timp ce ploile de vară încearcă să ne distrugă sau soarele se străduiește să ne topească , O să dansez cu dragostea însăși pe o străduță nepopulată din sudul orașului , la apusul soarelui , iar între răsuflări și îmbrățișări , dragostea-mi va șopti cât mă iubește. Iar eu am să-l cred pe el , pe cel care va fi iubirea , pe cel în al cărui ochi am să văd reflecția soarelui.

Vara asta o să simt . O să simt fiecare gest, o să simt fiecare frază adresată mie , o să simt fiecare rază de soare și fiecare picătură de ploaie . Și o să  fiu recunoscătoare pentru toate acestea . Și-o să-i aduc marelui soare un omagiu în fiecare noapte , când am să suspin după întoarcerea lui pe cerul meu. 

Vara asta vreau să iubesc totul.

Diana

You defy love.

If the ocean was black , it would be consisted of your eyes, for they`re the deepest I`ve ever known. If madness was all a smile , it would be yours. If mindlessness was all in one place , it would be in your head. If love was all in one place , it would be in your hands. If sexuality was brought all together , it would be in your voice. People write songs about boys like you.

Reckless , but moral. Mad , but calm. Cold , but human. Defencefull , but dangerous. Smiling , but broken? Satisfied , but empty? Sheltered ,but lonely? Are you real? Are you alive , on the inside? Your eyes sparkle but your heart does not whisper. You are dreaming dreams that no mortal ever dared to dream before. Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan , and he had those same eyes , the same smile, the same voice and the same fire inside.

The first time I saw you, I thought: “Look at that boy. I’m going to love him." Different defines you , for you walk through the world like you`re having fun , even though you may be hurt since forever. Is life inside you , or are you inside the life? 

You`re growing flowers inside your lungs , you think they`ll help you stop breathing. But all they do is make you immoral and you lose your innocence everytime you stain your lips with another lit cigarette. You have this type of character that makes me think about galaxies being born inside you when you`re dope; you defy love.

Diana

Thoughts about drowning

Your eyes are the ocean and I have a tendency to drown . So hold me there , in your looks , in your views and in your mind and let me crush , collide , fall, be reborn. Your mouth is of hell , through your teeth lays the path to my salvation and I need to be forgiven . So let me taste a bit of the evil , to know what is in there and make up  my mind , to find my way , the road I must go on.

You are a dauntless , a soul who loves playing with fire. Are you the fire itself , or just a flame? Are you the devil himself , or just a follower? Let me find out , let me inside that sick brain of yours , let me get dope with ideas that die slowly inside your mind.

You made flowers grow in my lungs and although they are fucking beautiful , I cannot breathe. Why are you doing this? Finding pretty little hearts and leading them to self destruction does not seem to be your type. Do you find pleasure in ruining innocence? If you could at least provide safety , it would be worth it. But you do not need anyone and I need to be needed.

I need to feel security and not just the holes you burn in my skin with your mouth. Love is not found in a bottle or a blunt that we share one cold may night , love is what we should feel when we look in each other`s sad and broken eyes.

Your eyes are an ocean and I have a tendency to drown. That`s what they call love ?

Diana