Nonsense

I understand the human need of keeping secrets away from people they love. I understand it because I myself keep things just for me. But I do not tend to break or hurt other humans , who are in no way less good than I am.

I have considered and reconsidered lies and deceivings ever since I got inside this world. And I am familiar with being a five-minute cigarette break. I am used to being put out after having been lit up. So I know I might not be worth to know your secrets , for I am no king nor queen. I am just human and I suffer from love.

And I have died two times already , I am waiting for my third try . I have died first when they buried me , and I die every time somebody whispers my name in the darkness. I know, I am humble , I am not a strogn oponent , but I am a small loving human and I always do my best when it comes to giving affection. Yes , people leave as far from me as they can , for I did not know that I should have cut flowers instead of my wrists.

It hurts that I cannot be what everyone wants or what everyone needs and it hurts that I cannot be what I want or what I need because I am not enough  and I will never be close to enough and I am just so damn tired .

I am not enough even though I would dream your nightmares without revealing them to you the next morning , I would live every trauma from your childhood , every day that you went home and wanted to cry but you could not . And even though I would cry for you , just to know you are safe , I would not be enough.

And I want you to know all of these , but I am also telling you that this is no poetry , this is no romance from me , for you. These are secrets that I am revealing to you for I love you and Love means opening up your mind , and soul and life . And , yes , I am talking nonsense and it is all crowded in here , and my thoughts are not in the right order . But this is how feelings come , so this is how I show them : pure.

"You are adorable as hell" , I can recall that you have once said. "but I am glancing at your wrists." It broke me , all at once. Yes , I am broken now , too. And I am also glancing at my wrists , for once there were your lips , softly touching the story that is carved into my skin.

I think that the whole point of being with someone is so you can talk to them and let go of everything , and even when you are at your worst , they still like you, they still want to hold you close to their heart and they still care.

In the end , I will just say that
the kindest people
are the kindest
because they
know what
it is like
to be hurt
the most.
And you are kind. It terrifies me.

Diana